he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
