Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
