so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
