I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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