I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
