So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
