We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
