So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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