There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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