And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
