Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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