we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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