She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
