This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
