i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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