You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
