Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
