made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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