I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
