you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
