Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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