This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
