Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
