They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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