Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
