It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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