can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
