either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
