dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
