i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
