the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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