You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
