apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
