I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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