I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
