I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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