idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
