they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
