forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
