I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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