Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
