she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
