Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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