and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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