Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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