Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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