I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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