So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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