He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
