Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
