Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
