I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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