the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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