I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
