'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
