This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
