My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
