its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
