do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
