why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
