He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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