The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
