I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
