At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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